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I picked up Rock Band 2 today. We “B” Toyz had two copies left when I called them, and I hurried down and got one. Yay!
I came home this evening after a great day out with some friends, dropped it into Ye Olde Xboxe, and set about starting a tour. One of the nice things about RB2 is that there is no longer a differentiation between “solo tours” and “band tours.” It all seems to be lumped into one single game mode. I approve of this.
And this means my band needs a name. Awesome. The band name I used in RB1 was “Distinct Kicking Motion,” after a phrase used no less than eight times in the NHL Rulebook to describe one of the criteria for disallowing a goal, a rule change the NHL instituted in 1996, presumably to increase scoring, since that seems to be the intent behind most rule changes in sports. (Before then, if the puck went in off of a teammate’s skate, the goal didn’t count. Period.)
So. Tap-tappity-tap (or, in this case, a fair amount of tedious cursoring around with the D-pad on the guitar, since that’s where I was logged in and so couldn’t use my Chatpad), and I hit Start to lock it in. And I get this:
“Your intended band name is not what most would describe as “classy.” You can continue to use this name locally, but it will not be visible on Xbox LIVE unless you change it in the Band Profile.”
The hell?
I just went back and experimented for a moment (because I wanted to get the exact wording of the admonishment above), and I isolated the issue: “Kicking Motion”? No go. “Distinct Motion”? Nuh-uh. “Distinct Kicking”? Totally fine.
The word “motion” apparently triggers the RB2 obscenity filters.
Again, I say: the hell?
I’ve got an e-mail in to Electronics Arts demanding an explanation as to how I developed this whore mouth all of a sudden. I’ll let The Four Of You know when I hear back.
So, first off, I would like to thank the religious right for their vigilance, watching over the English language for my own safety and bitching and moaning enough that censorship like this has become part of the national discussion, so that I am protected from filthy, disgusting words like “motion.” Well done!
And then, a message for all of those 12-year-old kids who think band names like “The Bung Felchers” and “Cöckgöbbler” are the pinnacle of hilarity, such that EA is pressured to add the filter in the first place: Fark every single one of you. Go back to Halo 3 and leave the rocking to responsible adults, huh?
Through my pre-graduate public education, my school cafeterias, like most, were pretty hit and miss. All three were pretty much the same: the pizza tasted almost exactly like ass, but was wildly popular considering that the cafeteria had a monopoly on food distribution in our schools. The spaghetti was actually pretty good, and equally popular, but I credit that to two things: one, it’s pretty hard to screw up spaghetti, and two, I lived and went to school in two VERY Italian parts of Monterey, so the ladies who worked in our cafeterias had made spaghetti once or twice in their lives. Oddly, the turkey and gravy (and you know where this is going: cubes of what was almost assuredly turkey loaf, if not something canned, dumped unceremoniously on top of an food disher’s worth of instant potatoes) was almost universally reviled, but I rather liked it.
(Yep. Food disher. Because when you’re a food geek, the phrase “ice cream scoop” Just Isn’t Pretentious Enough.)
Anyhow, that was a way longer introduction than I intended to write for this bit, which is going to direct The Four Of You to an item about a Harrisonburg, Virginia school system that thought it would be a good idea to post pictures of the featured items in their cafeterias on the Web. Including:
Taco Patty? The HELL? Do I really want to know what is even IN a Taco Patty? And for that matter, why is the existence of a Taco Patty even NECESSARY? Is it really that friggin’ difficult or inconvenient to make massive amounts of taco meat? Tacos are a NATURAL for mass production, for God’s sake.
And, in case you’ve always thought about going into food service, but wasn’t sure that you had the cooking chops for the gig:
Yes! Slice up some white bread, stick a cup of sauce next to it, and voila! Italian Dunkers!
(It is, however, good to see Sandra Lee finding herself a side job…)
The 2008 Beijing Olympics get underway a week from today, but the media is already getting their coverage underway. Meet Garry Linnell of the Sydney Daily Telegraph, as he pays a visit to Guolizhuang, a Beijing restaurant that specializes in a rather, erm, unique cut of meat:
(Okay, guys, maybe I shouldn’t have used the word “cut” up there. Ouch.)
I’ll get the gag out of the way so you don’t have to: this brings new meaning to the invitation to eat a bag of Dick’s.
(Okay, ladies, maybe I shouldn’t have used the word “gag,” either…)
This was seen at the San Diego Comic-Con:
The Tetris-geek in me was appalled that the green L-shape didn’t manage to scoot over one space to the left on the way down. Then I realized that it was just as well, as it would have just made the unholy union of the purple and blue pieces stand out that much more.
For when the white earphones that come with your JesusPhone don’t scream “MUG ME” loudly enough:
My handwriting sucks.
Always has. I’m pretty sure I would have wound up as a computer geek regardless, but the advent of word processing sure as hell facilitated the transformation, and to this day I write in cursive in exactly two places: when I’m signing my name, and when I write a check. (Yes, I still write checks. Don’t start.) When I’m writing down a note and not putting it on my Palm, I block-print, and even that isn’t exactly neat.
So I’m reading through some of my video game news blogs, and I come across information on a new Nintendo DS title called Doodle Hex. Here’s a quote from the Gamer’s Universe review:
First off, to cast a spell you’ll have to draw the requisite rune on the lower screen, as opposed to holding a button down till everything in front of you melts. Do so with precision and your magic will carry additional weight, but make a dog’s dinner of things and it’ll fizzle out like one of our horrible punch-lines.
Needless to say, I will not be playing Doodle Hex. I bet this is what Hell is like: a small, dingy room, a comfy chair, a table next to it with a DS sitting on it, and this is the only game available to play.
(Okay, this and Deal Or No Deal.)
Apparently former Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss has fallen on hard times:
“I drove a Porsche and ate at restaurants where soup cost 30 bucks. Now I can barely afford a can of soup. Some days I eat the parrots’ nuts because I can’t afford bread.”
…proving that there is nothing that woman won’t put in her mouth to make a buck.
| Western Conference Semifinals, Game 3 |
| San Jose Sharks |
1 |
| Dallas Stars |
2 |
| (F/OT, Dallas leads series 3-0) |
Memo to Head Coach Ron Wilson: don’t let the door hitcha in the ass on the way out.
Game Four is…screw it. If you want to know when Game Four is, first, it’s in the post a few down from this one, and second, fark you for being a Dallas fan.
| Western Conference Semifinals, Game 2 |
| Dallas Stars |
5 |
| San Jose Sharks |
2 |
| (Dallas leads series 2-0) |
Gotta say, caring more about the team’s success than the team does really, really sucks.
Game Three is Tuesday in Dallas.
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