Classic Dishes...

Banner Day

Final score: 52-14

Your San Jose Sabercats are the 2002 ArenaBowl XVI Champions!


In The Refrigerator, Postscript

Francis Dayle Hearn died tonight, at the age of 85.

We love ya, Chick. Keep it jigglin’.

Math Is Hard


I’m watching The Anna Nicole Show on E! right now. This is the most amazing damn thing I’ve ever seen. This makes The Osbornes look like The Brady Bunch. I’m compelled to keep watching it. I can’t figure out if she’s baked, drunk, stoned, or just plain friggin’ stupid from scene to scene. She’s buying a new house, and the first thing she does in each house is make a beeline for the tub, hop in, and slide down to make sure that a) her fat ass fits in it and b) the tub nozzle hits her in the twat. Just amazing. It’s not good TV, but the fact that this silly bitch ACTUALLY EXISTS IN REAL LIFE just boggles me.

In The Refrigerator

Chick Hearn, the only voice of basketball the Los Angeles Lakers have ever known, has probably called his last game, according to his neurologist. Apparently on Friday he fell in his backyard, and has experienced a couple of brain hemmorages since. Chances for survival are even pretty bleak.

This sucks. He’s 85 years old, and even at 85 he was the best in the business. About fifteen years ago we lost the greatest game show announcer in the world in Johnny Olsen, and I kinda feel like I felt when I learned of his passing – I regret never having been able to attend an event he had worked live. I’ve never been to a taping of The Price Is Right, and I’ve never been to an NBA game.

Wouldn’t have been hard, either – just go to a Laker game. Before the streak was broken last season for heart surgery, he had called 3,338 consecutive Laker games over a period of 36 years. Let’s see Cal Ripken do THAT.

If he should die, maybe we can cryogenically freeze him. It would be appropriate to put HIM in the refrigerator after all of those Laker wins he closed the door on.

“The door’s closed, the light’s out, the eggs are cooling, the butter’s getting hard and the Jell-O is jiggling.”

Indeed. May it jiggle for a long time to come.

Called On The Carpet, Redux

And in our followup to the Traficant story from the other day, here’s one straight from the No Shit ™ files.

The big boys over at CNN don’t miss a beat, do they?