Classic Dishes...

I Think I Went To High School With Her

Through my pre-graduate public education, my school cafeterias, like most, were pretty hit and miss. All three were pretty much the same: the pizza tasted almost exactly like ass, but was wildly popular considering that the cafeteria had a monopoly on food distribution in our schools. The spaghetti was actually pretty good, and equally popular, but I credit that to two things: one, it’s pretty hard to screw up spaghetti, and two, I lived and went to school in two VERY Italian parts of Monterey, so the ladies who worked in our cafeterias had made spaghetti once or twice in their lives. Oddly, the turkey and gravy (and you know where this is going: cubes of what was almost assuredly turkey loaf, if not something canned, dumped unceremoniously on top of an food disher’s worth of instant potatoes) was almost universally reviled, but I rather liked it.

(Yep. Food disher. Because when you’re a food geek, the phrase “ice cream scoop” Just Isn’t Pretentious Enough.)

Anyhow, that was a way longer introduction than I intended to write for this bit, which is going to direct The Four Of You to an item about a Harrisonburg, Virginia school system that thought it would be a good idea to post pictures of the featured items in their cafeterias on the Web. Including:


Taco Patty? The HELL? Do I really want to know what is even IN a Taco Patty? And for that matter, why is the existence of a Taco Patty even NECESSARY? Is it really that friggin’ difficult or inconvenient to make massive amounts of taco meat? Tacos are a NATURAL for mass production, for God’s sake.

And, in case you’ve always thought about going into food service, but wasn’t sure that you had the cooking chops for the gig:


Yes! Slice up some white bread, stick a cup of sauce next to it, and voila! Italian Dunkers!

(It is, however, good to see Sandra Lee finding herself a side job…)

I’m Having A Ball

The 2008 Beijing Olympics get underway a week from today, but the media is already getting their coverage underway. Meet Garry Linnell of the Sydney Daily Telegraph, as he pays a visit to Guolizhuang, a Beijing restaurant that specializes in a rather, erm, unique cut of meat:

(Okay, guys, maybe I shouldn’t have used the word “cut” up there. Ouch.)

I’ll get the gag out of the way so you don’t have to: this brings new meaning to the invitation to eat a bag of Dick’s.

(Okay, ladies, maybe I shouldn’t have used the word “gag,” either…)