Classic Dishes...



I Get Letters

Little background on this one: I frequently post to a message board on the topic of game shows. It should surprise none of The Four Of You to learn that often my posts have created some controversy. In this case, some n00b posted a summary of an episode of America’s Funniest Home Videos, claiming that since it gave out money, it was a game show. I stated simply that he was incorrect. When my authority on such things was questioned, I agreed, and then suggested that most people of reasonable mind would agree with my initial assessment.

So, with that, let’s make Michael Brown of Kentucky famous:

From: Michael Brown Subject: My opinion–Game show related
To: clemon79@comcast.net

Our maybe you’ll tell me it’s not GS related. I would regularly post to the old game show newsgroup, but after all the crap and changeover, I just lurk. Now, to my opinion of many of your comments. Sir, you are an asshole! I just finished the little “yer wrong” posting. Wouldn’t a little kindness be better than this. My God, we only have so long on this earth and I’m not going to waste my time being hateful or reading your hateful crap. Give the guy a break. You don’t have to read his posts. Ignore them and let it go. You can say what you want because your hiding behind a computer. I’d be willing to bet you wouldn’t act that way face to face. I can honestly say I’d personally kick your ass if we ever met. So here’s an invitation to the Bowling Green Kentucky UPS main terminal. If you’re ever in town, look up Mike Brown and I’ll open a can of whoop ass and we’ll see how funny your snide comments are after that.

Have a nice evening,
Mike Brown and family

Isn’t that great? This moron now extends the list of people who have threatened me with bodily harm over the Internet to three. AND SIGNS HIS FAMILY’S NAME TO IT AS WELL. I can’t write comedy like this. Never mind the irony of someone using a Yahoo email address accusing me of hiding behind a keyboard.

Anyhow, some would suggest that the better man would just ignore this and let this fellow have his opinion and let that be that. Well, nobody’s ever accused me of being the better man, so here’s the response I sent him:

—– Original Message —–
From: Michael Brown
> Sir, you are an asshole!

Thank you. I’m honored.

> I’d be willing to bet you wouldn’t act that way face to face.

I assure you, there is not a thing I say online that I wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

> I can honestly say I’d personally kick your ass if we ever met.

You know, I’d like to say that you’re the first guy to tell me that. You aren’t. And I’m still here, so forgive me while I laugh heartily at your idiotic bravado. :)

> So here’s an invitation to the Bowling Green Kentucky UPS main terminal.

UPS, huh? No wonder those morons can never get a package to me.

> If you’re ever in town, look up Mike Brown

Yeah, and if yer ever in Seattle, feel free to stop by, I’m not a hard man to find. I’ll buy the beer.

> Mike Brown and family

Give my best to your wife and my kid.

God, I hope he responds.

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