Classic Dishes...

Survivor Update

(The following is a Survivor Update. Below is spoiler space for those among The Four Of You who haven’t seen the show yet and don’t want to have it ruined for you. You’ve been warned.)

(Man, I hope RSS doesn’t strip this out.)
















(There. We’ll see if that helps.)

Okay. I wanted to take a night to sleep on this to be sure that I’m ready to stand behind what I’m about to say. And it seems I am. So here goes:

Soozin Hawk is a fucking nutjob.

Over the course of two days, she took an brief encounter with Richard Hatch’s schwanz (and I’ll be the first to call it a wholly inappropriate one, but read on) and turned it into full-fledged, Grade-A, Holy-God-Do-I-Feel-Unclean sexual assault.

In her own words: CAHM AHHHHN. This is the same woman who handed Hatch the million dollars three and a half years ago by likening him to a snake. So why was she surprised when his snake raised it’s bulbous head? Did she all of a sudden not know it was a snake when she picked it up?

The lives of these two have been intertwined ever since that trip to Borneo, they have even engaged together in the ultimate act of reality-TV-celebrity-whoring: they’ve shared a box on Hollywood Squares. And now all of a sudden he’s a sexual predator. Sorry, I don’t buy it.

Oh, and this just in: SOOZIN, HE’S GAY.

She was weak, she was figuring out that being from The Original Game and keeping a high profile over these several years was a HUGE disadvantage, and she found a convenient out. She might try for the phat lawsuit, too. Not that I really care, Burnett’s got plenty of cheddar with which to shut up this Wisconsinite.

Alright, enough of her, let’s check the state of the tribes, now tied again at six heads apiece:

Chapera, says Amber, is the “happy tribe”. Well, ignorance is certainly bliss, I guess. Tom didn’t score himself any points with the ladies with his idiotic-and-only-slightly-less-faggy-than-Hatch’s-Fire-Dance Tribute To Soozin, and I suspect Alicia will be wagging her finger laterally in his face sooner rather than later. Rupert, God love him, has allied himself with Boston Rob, which means he’s next to go, and Jenna L. is doing a fine job of Gervasing, and while she won’t win, it may take her far into the game post-merge, so long as she stays off of the radar.

Over to the green side of the board: Lex “Oh, By The Way, I Can Fish Too” Van Den Berghe is still my favorite to win it all. Colby may perceive that as a threat, but he can’t afford to address it until after the merge. Right now, he needs to concern himself with Jerribitch, who, miracle of miracles, found someone even more void of original thought than Amber in Shii Ann, who is still reeling that The Holy Saint Richard The Great And Powerful Hatch was voted out of the game. (Another free Survivor hint for you budding applicants: NEVER WORSHIP YOUR OPPONENTS.) Ethan is still trying to find his place here; he would do well to broker some kind of agreement with Kathy, who holds an impressive number of cards as a swing vote right now.

So: “Another Twist” next week, followed by Jerribitch’s gaping maw. Bringing back an Outcast tribe would be in horrible taste, considering that fully 33% of the evictees up until this point have left by their own choosing. So what happens? Comments are welcome….

3 comments to Survivor Update

  • Thank you for the spoiler space! It showed up fine in LiveJournal.

    Actually I didn’t need it this week but in general I see things late because of TiVo magic, so it was much appreciated. :)

  • Good! I can’t promise I’ll do it everytime I comment on a TV show, but for something as important to keep pristine as Survivor, I think I can make a special effort to accomodate. :)

    Do they make RSS aggregators for the Mac? I’ve been using one at work for about a week, and I’m completely in love with it. I suppose it’s no good if you’re really hooked on the idea of reading everything through LJ, but it seems to be a much better way of reading RSS feeds.

  • Shanni

    GAWD…why didn’t they vote Jerri off first?!?!? She’s soooo fu%#ing annoying….:P

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