May The Fourth Be With You

According to some quick Google work, the Earth’s orbit is pretty much a circle, and the diameter of said orbit fluctuates somewhere between 294 and 304 million kilometers.

So, split the difference and call it 299 million kilometers, or 185.79 million miles. Multiply that by pi and you get 583.68 million miles. Which means, on this day, effective at I-think-it-was 3:41AM (obviously, Mom wasn’t aimed towards a clock at point of entry, and I was too busy getting smacked on the ass to check my watch anyhow), I have completed roughly 20.4288 billion miles of travel on this planet.

(And when YOU need to complete many miles of travel, why not do so on United Airlines? Page…two!)

And to celebrate this banner day (and feed my incredible hubris), George Lucas has decided to remove his head from his ass and allow the DVD release of the original, unadulterated Star Wars trilogy. Two-disc sets, actually: one disc with the remastered and bastardized version that was re-released in 2004, and one with the original in all of its grainy goodness.

And this works well for me, mainly because while the rest of the world is complaining that they’re gonna have to buy the trilogy Yet Again to get these, I didn’t buy them in the first place; I turned up my nose and said “Call me when the REAL movies are out.” And apparently it’s gonna pay off. So, nice.

Everyone’s trumpeting how Han Solo will finally shoot first again, but that’s really a misnomer, since in the original, Greedo never shot in the first place. Yep, finally an entirely new generation will get to see Han as he really was: a cold-blooded killer. Sam Jackson has nothing on my boy; I don’t care HOW many lightsabers he has that say Bad Mother Fucker on them.