Classic Dishes...

You Donkey

We’re in the fifth go-round of Hell’s Kitchen, right? It seems to me that the show’s been around long enough now to be established.

So why is it that none of these people can, you know, cook? And I’m not talking about highfalutin’ complicated dishes, I’m talking basic staples.

If I’m going to throw myself at the mercy of Chef Ramsay, there are three things I’m damn well going to make sure I know how to do flawlessly before I even fill out the application:

  • Cook perfect scallops
  • Make a risotto
  • Prepare Beef Wellington

Five years in, Chef has those three items on EVERY menu he’s EVER had on the show, and we still have jackbags who can’t pan-fry a freakin’ scallop. Come ON.

Look. If I’m going to be on Survivor, I’m damned well going to make sure I know how to make fire. I’m not going to go on The Amazing Race if I’m agoraphobic, because I know at least one task is going to involve being up really really high. And I’m not going to be on Big Brother unless I know how to jump into a giant salad dressed like a cucumber. (Wait, what?)

(Aside: could that BE a more frightening picture of Julie Chen? And Les Moonves has to hit that. Yikes.)

1 comment to You Donkey

  • Zorak

    Seriously, if you were going to be a contestant on the show, don’t you think you’d’ve bothered to, you know, maybe WATCH some of the past seasons?

    Then you won’t find yourself doing idiotic stuff like trying to pre-cook the pasta, or thinking you’re about to be part of a surprise elimination when they ALWAYS combine down to a single team, etc.

    (This expectation did bite me though, I fully expected there to be a problem with the order when the punishment was unloading the delivery truck, because there always is, and it looked like there would be, but then there wasn’t, it’s just that they can’t count.)

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